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I’m David O'Regan and I’m a FullStack developer from Ireland.

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I’m David O'Regan and I’m a FullStack developer from Ireland.

How To Be Alone And Be Happy

2019-11-17T22:12:03.284Z

Intro

Do you know, when I became a full time digital nomad I had suspected a few things would take priority in my life as stress sources;

  • Unstable living conditions
  • Lack of routine
  • Working harder to be accountable
  • Wifi

All of these I planned for both in a mental, and practical sense. It was actually rather easy to do so.

What I was not prepared for, was that in fact the thing that drove me to being a digital nomad i.e. the sense of wanting to travel and be alone would in fact, be the hardest part.

Now, this might not be the case for everyone. I would be quite a gentle human with a loving disposition - intimate relationships mean a lot to me.

Regardless, I'm going to use this as a sounding board, not so much to try and tell anyone how to do anything, but rather as my own maxims for being alone and being happy.

Know Your Limits

Dont try to overcompensate. This creates need.

Wanting companionship is perfectly fine, needing it drives insecurity and creates a bad place to come from with your energy.

Simply be you, experience your life as it is, and be open to meeting people where they are at with 0 expectations.

Don't Act Transient

Just because you are transient doesn't mean this is how you should, or need to act. Not only is it rather okay to aim to develop deep lasting relationships despite how long you might stay in a given area, its a wonderful thing.

Yes, its rather easy to sit in a room by yourself, fall into a routine of being alone and talking to no one. It takes effort to be social, to break that habit of being in your own world.

But this is something you need to be doing, and doing often.

Small things:

  • Talk to someone at the gym
  • Talk to someone at the coffee shop
  • Talk to someone on the metro

It doesn't matter, just start a conversation about anything, strange as it might seem.

Embrace All Your Feelings

This, while rather obvious is both the most easily forgotten yet simultaneously useful principal for me.

Sometimes, when I feel something negative, like a pang of being alone, I try to distract myself or rationalize what I feel instead of simply embracing it and sitting with the feeling.

There is, truly nothing wrong with feeling alone. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. Without these feelings you can never appreciate the wonderful things when they appear.

Life is a on/off system. And when you stop struggling against your feelings, and simply accept them - you stop trying to smooth water with a flat iron, you give yourself permission to settle and move forward.

Conclusion

Being alone can be difficult at times. The world is better when you have someone to share it with in my opinion.

This though should push you to be better, to work on yourself, to deliver your best foot forward and trust the right people will come into your life when they're meant to.

In the end, you can only control yourself, nothing else. Embrace all you feel, let it pass over you like water washes over the sand and it'll be just fine.

David O'Regan

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